Friday, May 9, 2008

arachnacide

Oh last night was high on drama round Chez Moi... I don't know what time it was when I decided to go to bed, but as I was rounding the corner into the loft, I noticed a big black blob on the wall. A spider. A big spider. A big ugly spider. I didn't know what to do. I knew I had to take care of this before I went to bed if I ever wanted to get any sleep, but things with more than four legs freak me out to the point that I've actually CRIED from the fear before.

I did what I could.

There was a pair of sneakers nearby, so I swatted the bastard. All this achieved was knocking it off the wall where it was able to find relative refuge in the carpet... no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't squash it. Not with soft-soled sneakers anyhow. Luckily I haven't moved my donatables to the garage yet... there was a box with shoes and I grabbed a heavy flat. Again, I pushed and smooshed but the fucker was still moving... albeit now on five miserable legs. This called for stronger medicine.

After a bit of internal debate (if I leave will it hide and attack me in the night?) I ran down the stairs to grab a can of Raid from the linen closet... there was also a can of hairspray (I've had luck with that in the past) so I took that upstairs, too. Well, the Raid and hairspray worked... it paralyzed the spider long enough for me to pull one long sweatsock over my right hand -- clear up to my elbow -- and wrap my fingers in enough toilet paper to ensure I would never feel the spider within my grips so that I could flush it.

You know that I was still scared during the night that the spider somehow would've survived, crawl out the toilet and attack me in my sleep. This morning I noticed a bite on the back of my thigh -- I figure it was from the spider as it was a couple of days old. I felt justified in murdering the little bastard because it had clearly attacked me first. *heavy sigh* The new panic this morning was the blood... since I had broken the skin scratching the spider bite and now I was going to have blood on my WHITE SHEETS?!? Oh, the panic.

I'm mostly not scared to use my toilet today... this is major progress, people.

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