I'm on the couch again. It's Friday night. Maybe I'll write about Coachella.
Today is another one of those really down days. I honestly feel like I'll never work again... this year is horrible. I know that a year from now, I'll look back at this and think I was being so melodramatic, but right here, stuck in the middle of it (6 months unemployed) I feel like I'm in a hole I'll never get out of. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep and I'm scared to try to find a semi-real job... because it feels like giving up.
I'm going to make up t-shirts that say, "Angelique's 2008 Pity Party... were you there?" and in really tiny print, maybe at the bottom on the back... or even on the sleeve, it'll say, "I was."
I really want to get on Prozac because I just want to stop feeling miserable. I want to not let all this rejection get me down... but the problem with those types of things is that you need to wean yourself off them. I don't have the patience for that. I want to feel better now and then be able to stop when my external situation gives me some satisfaction.
A friend who is on a tour with a bunch of people I've worked with in the past emailed me today and told me that I need to get on the tour. If only I had a magic wand, but even then I'd still need a Genie with a magic lamp and some four-leaf clovers because hard work just doesn't pay, does it? I'm missing that "je ne sais quoi" and/or really great blow-job skills.
Today's words: One less week 'til the end.