Thursday, January 8, 2009

just thinking

You know how miserable Halle Berry's character was in Monster's Ball? You know, because she was screwing some bigot... and she just felt like she was lower than dirt... and she just wanted to "Feel Goooooood" damnit? I totally identify.

I don't have much to say these days because it's all the same. I'm pretty sad about a boy and I feel foolish and silly for getting into this situation. The road was signposted with neon and giant red stop signs and yet I plowed ahead because I thought this guy was different... I thought he really liked me. Maybe he does, but he hasn't been acting that way lately.

My conversations revolve around HIM and how I can't understand why he doesn't find me fabulous... why he doesn't choose to be with me and what I really mean to ask is "why am I not good enough." The rational part of my brain tells me that I'm more than good enough -- that I'm great, in fact, but the irrational part is ruling lately and I feel incredibly low and well, like shit. I'm feeling like this and it's because I did it to myself.

Le sigh.

I'm going to take a break from updating my blog until things change. I'm going to make an effort not to have a two-season pity party... I'm just going to focus on working out and making my outside something I can take pride in and hope that what's inside starts to feel appealing, too.

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