Saturday, January 31, 2009

cats!

I'm a foster mom! Unfortunately my guy is really shy so I don't have any pictures of him... he's in "isolation" -- where he has to stay for 10 of his 14 days here. Because they didn't have any cats available for foster, I took home a sick kitty -- he's got an upper respiratory infection (kitty cold) and he looks just miserable, but my goal is to get him well in the next two weeks so he can be adopted.

I don't know this guy's story -- they call him "Aslan" -- but he's so incredibly timid and has some matted fur which makes me think he was neglected. Poor guy. He's sitting in a steam shower now -- they didn't have a nebulizer to send me home with, so he gets steamed twice daily. I couldn't take it, it was too hot to sit with him there.

SO, that's my good news for the day. Hopefully he'll be well and less shy in the next few days so I can put his photo up.

ETA: I got him out of his carrier... he's really sweet but his eyes are drippy, so they're not open here. Can't wait to make this little guy well -- he deserves a good home.

Friday, January 30, 2009

on becoming suburban white trash

OK. Let me explain here... I don't think drinking box wine makes you suburban or white trash... not at all. I've been craving box wine and I decided to try some out. This little guy is about a bottle and a bit and was pretty economical so I thought it was a safe way to venture into this new category... and guess what? It's pretty damn good!

My aversion to box wine came early; my stepmonster was never without her box of Franzia Chardonnay and I just hated everything about the woman (still do). Sara is the epitome of "not feminine" and seeing the box of wine in the fridge every day next to the Coors Light disgusted me -- I will not have box wine in my fridge when I grow up! I thought. Well, look at me now.

Seriously though, there are some cute boxes out there.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

this is unacceptable

Hotmail. You suck. I hate you Bill Gates. I hate you, MSN. I really should get rid of my hotmail account, but I've had it for so long that I can't bear parting with it.

A few days ago, I started getting this really annoying pop-up ad for Morningstar Farms products. I love Morningstar Farms! I really, really do. I don't even mind a pop-up ad -- as long as I can close it out. This particular ad opens up if I'm idle on my hotmail front page -- it's two small strips that turn into a solid block when you mouse-over them. There is no "close" button. Grrrr. I actually sent some feedback to the Hotmail people but they seemingly don't care. Bastards.

Monday, January 26, 2009

good grief

I'm up watching PBS, not the late newscast and there's a new show called, "Good Grief" on. It's funny that that's really what I've been going through the last month or so... I've been grieving the loss of a relationship; or what I had hoped it would become. This last weekend I got a definitive answer from Frank. He definitely doesn't want to be with me... he says he doesn't want to be with anyone. I didn't get an apology from him for leading me on, but he did acknowledge it.

I have to, in turn, take responsibility for not standing up for myself sooner -- for not putting an end to the ridiculousness that our relationship had become. I don't know. Before I got the email (and it wasn't kind... it was rambling and accusatory and angry) I still held hope, albeit miniscule, even knowing that it was a hopeless situation. Every once in a while I wake up and I'm amazed that I'm 36... not 26. I'm still single... my professional life is in decline and I probably need to find a new career path (ohmygod, at 36!) but the "single" thing is what has been the toughest thing to deal with. It might be because I'm female, I don't know... but it almost seems as though I've missed the boat. When you're 20 and you meet someone, you don't think about the consequences so much. I think that's why it's so hard to couple-up when you're over 30. I suppose that's why I was willing to compromise so much to be with this douchebag. Despite it all, I really felt so relieved after Saturday morning's email. I cried a little bit, but it wasn't the gut-wrenching, can't get up kind of cry I'd been doing for the last month. I really think I'm moving into a place of "good grief" and it feels OK.

I had to change the channel... that PBS show looked like someone's college project. I'm on to Family Guy now and laughs.

I'm really pleased that the Year of the Rat is over. I don't put much stock in horoscopes and such, but last year was pretty tumultuous. My Chinese horoscope predicted as much -- was it self-fulfilling prophesy or not? I don't know, but I'm a Rat in the Year of the Ox and it's supposed to be getting better now. Phew!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Saturday, January 24, 2009

new beginnings

I've had a few tumultuous weeks but I think things are going to be good soon. Things are officially over with Fuckface and I think I can move on. I'm still crying, but it's not the gut-wrenching, debilitating sobs that were keeping me in bed for days... rather, I would've stayed in bed for days, but I have amazing friends. They really looked after me and that means the world to me. I've been a mess, and these women in my life didn't abandon me -- they made sure I didn't completely fall apart and I don't even know how to thank them... I hope I don't have to be there for them as they've been there for me, but I will be if it comes to it.

On to better and brighter things, the music scene in Denver has changed so much since I was in college. There's really GOOD music here now -- and I'm not talking about commercial successful music like Flobots and The Fray, I mean people who are working musicians or part-time players... band geeks grown-up and making great music. Tonight I needed to not be home, so L and I went to see one of the knitters in our group up in the dreaded A-town (from my high school days it was reviled and now I live down the street from it). Anyhow, there was belly dancing (most of it pretty good, some of them get an "A" for effort...) and music. After the dancing there was a local world/fusion type band... I'll have to look them up later. They were really amazing! There were only a couple of less-than stellar songs in their set and of all the 8 people on stage, the girl really stood out. To say she was a multi-instrumentalist would be a put-down. We saw the accordian (heart) and sax before they even started playing, but hello (!) once she took out the spoons, she became my hero.

The second band were a latin/reggae combo. Again, there were about 7 people on stage... one girl. I liked them. I just added them to my FB friends because I had a vacancy. I'll update this when I'm more awake.

I also have to talk about the Inauguration and my road trip to Carhenge and Brown Sheep but right now the "Jizz in my Pants" digital short on SNL is playing and I'm really distracted.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

word of the day

magnanimous \mag-NAN-uh-muhs\, adjective:

1. noble in mind or soul; free from mean or petty feelings or acts
2. showing a generous spirit; generous in forgiving

Hard work considering I woke up looking like this today:

Photo Removed

I will not cry over boys anymore... at least not before I go to bed.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

just thinking

You know how miserable Halle Berry's character was in Monster's Ball? You know, because she was screwing some bigot... and she just felt like she was lower than dirt... and she just wanted to "Feel Goooooood" damnit? I totally identify.

I don't have much to say these days because it's all the same. I'm pretty sad about a boy and I feel foolish and silly for getting into this situation. The road was signposted with neon and giant red stop signs and yet I plowed ahead because I thought this guy was different... I thought he really liked me. Maybe he does, but he hasn't been acting that way lately.

My conversations revolve around HIM and how I can't understand why he doesn't find me fabulous... why he doesn't choose to be with me and what I really mean to ask is "why am I not good enough." The rational part of my brain tells me that I'm more than good enough -- that I'm great, in fact, but the irrational part is ruling lately and I feel incredibly low and well, like shit. I'm feeling like this and it's because I did it to myself.

Le sigh.

I'm going to take a break from updating my blog until things change. I'm going to make an effort not to have a two-season pity party... I'm just going to focus on working out and making my outside something I can take pride in and hope that what's inside starts to feel appealing, too.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

wisdom in the midst

There's a barn owl living in the theatre next door! It's hooting away like crazy but I can't see it... how very cool!

Is it a coincidence that I bought a felt owl ornament today on sale at Crate & Barrel? Um. No. It was 60% off and I'm a sucker for cute clearance stuff. Photo eventually... surely.

oh, and

Who gave Crazyface my address?

education

Why does the Universe think I need to learn patience? I wasn't in a hurry today as I left to meet a friend for brunch, yet when I pulled down the alley, one of my neighbors was parked at the exit -- just sitting there in the middle of the lane doing absolutely nothing. I didn't think I was terribly stealthy as I pulled up behind them, but they just sat there. I waited a good 2 minutes and was debating whether or not I should honk. In deference to my other neighbors, I decided to flash my brights... that worked well enough -- I got a sheepish wave and they pulled out. Weird.

As I drove on down the main street (the high street for lack of a better description), this jerk who was parked in a "no parking zone" -- yeah, right under the sign(!) pulled out into traffic and proceeded to drive 20 miles per hour. TWENTY! In a 35 zone. Grrr. When we got to the end of the street, he took up both the left and right turn lanes and just sat at the red. In Colorado, you're allowed to turn right on a red (left if it's onto a one-way) -- unless there's a sign posted against turning. Bastard just sat there. I wouldn't have minded except that he stopped at the yellow so it meant we'd have to wait an entire cycle if he didn't pull his head out of his ass. I honked. I hate honking, but I had to. He still didn't go... not until JUST before the light changed to green. Bastard. Again, he chose to drive down the center of the street -- not choosing right nor left lanes. I was finally able to pass (illegally, I know it) on the right and then he got behind me and proceeded to flash his brights in a form of protest (?). Learn how to drive, jerky.

On Speer everyone was driving 35. Across all four lanes!!! I wasn't the most frustrated driver -- that was the Volvo to my left. He was flashing his brights and honking sporadically. I managed to get in front of the Sunday drivers and he was still behind me by two lengths flashing at the Honda in front of him.

It's just weird. I expect to be held back when I'm rushing, but I was on a leisurely drive and it BECAME frustrating. Driving sucks.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

spooks

Lightbulbs in my house keep popping.

New Year's was uneventful, which is a great thing. No tears shed, amazingly. I'm feeling less dramatic; don't know if it's because the year has turned over or what.

I'd really like to cash in some frequent flier miles, but I don't know where to go. Tracy is trying to find a place by the end of the month, so perhaps a trip to NYC is in the cards, but who knows if/when that'll actually happen. The word of the day yesterday (? maybe the day before) was *wanderlust.* I'm feeling a bit wanderlusty myself right now... it's a distraction, isn't it? Well, it's the new year and I need to start tracking down some work soon. Grrrr. Maybe something great will just fall into my lap since '08 was such a bust?