Thursday, April 15, 2010

shouldn't judge a book by it's cover

But we all do. Lately I've been on a bit of a frantic health-kick... no, not really a health-kick so much as a major weight-loss campaign. It's not working. You really can't cram in enough exercise in a day to drop something ridiculous like 30 pounds in 3 weeks... in fact, I've been gaining weight. Le sigh. I hope that what I'm gaining is muscle and I'll wake up one day and all the fat will have been metabolized. I hope that day is next Tuesday.

I've been just disappointed the last year -- I didn't plan on being depressed, being dissatisfied and lazy, but that's what happened. Things just kind of snowballed; 2009 started out with a break-up, which wouldn't have been so bad except I then went into a period of unemployment. I felt like I was disappearing... I guess to compensate, I made sure I had a presence -- a physical presence in the form of 30 extra pounds. The last time I fell into a funk over a ruined relationship and the resulting weight gain, I promised myself it was the last time and I got into amazing physical and mental shape starting with a 30 day yoga challenge. That was over three years ago... how quickly we forget the promises we make.

So here I am. I'm back on a fitness kick. I honestly hope this is the last time I let myself fall into such a state of "illness" -- I really feel like that's what's happened to me; I've made myself sick. When you're sick you stay in bed all the time... you don't go out... you really don't enjoy life and that's what 2009 was for me. I know that I'm not going to fit into a size 6 by Tuesday, but maybe I'll be there by the end of the year... or maybe even sometime next year. I know I'll get there eventually... and that "6" isn't a magic number, it's just a number and when I stop caring about the numbers I'll know I've arrived.

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